Are you one of the Abusive men out there?


“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out? Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you? Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did? Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you? Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you? Has he ever threatened to hurt you? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.” 

Children who are victims of domestic violence more often than not grow up to violent and also become abusers themselves.
From their experience and observation, they feel dominance over another human being especially women is an exercise of their power and control over others.

They feel in control when they subject their partners under their tyranny. I don’t think there is any one particular class of men that are abusive. It cuts across all walks of life – classes, religions, occupations, races, lifestyle….. everything. These men are most times of the opinion that women are meant to be subdued.

It is also shocking to realize that even learned and well-educated men are also abusers. This goes to show that it is not necessarily your economic, financial or social status that frustrates men into being abusers. It is what they have learnt. It is the mentality they have.
They feel women are “weaker” and are lesser to them. Hence, they derive pleasure in dominating her. They claim this is a “Man’s world” and the women are meant to be controlled. So they take away her freedom by alienating her from family and friends.

These men are most likely very jealous and possessive. They pick anger at any little thing, looking for even the slightest opportunity to abuse the woman. They blame her for bringing out this “beastly part of him” by not obeying his “set rules”. Her quivering in fear gives him more room to dominate her more.

Most unfortunately, they back up their actions with the scriptures. It really hurts when people use the words of the Bible out of context, in the way it suits them. You hear the man say “Scripture says my wife should be submissive to me”. I ask….Did the scripture ask you to pound and beat her in order to get her to be submissive?

He would also say, “The Bible said the husband is the head of his wife”…. Does that in anyway indicate you should kill her? Didn’t that same verse continue with“….as Christ is the head of the Church, His body, of whom He is also the Savior?” And the next verse says,“And as the Church submits to Christ, so let a wife submit in everything to her husband”. (Eph 5:22-24)

You don’t see Christ battering the Church, do you? How come you don’t see the part in verse 25 which says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her”? How does dominance, superiority, and tyranny spell out love for your wife/partner?
Marriage is meant to signify a life of love for both partners bringing to reality the mystery of God’s love manifested in mankind.

Dude, stop reading the scripture out of context just as it would suit you. The way you dominate your wife/partner isn’t a way you would want to be dominated, is it? So why treat another in a manner you do not want to be treated? There is no moral justification whatsoever for being a big bully to your wife/partner.
She is a human being deserving of love and respect. God gave her to you to “love and cherish” not to batter, brutalize and send to her untimely death.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO STOP BEING AN ABUSER?
1.For starters, admit you have the fault of always wanting to abuse your partner. Stop deluding yourself into thinking it is her fault and “she made you do it”. She made you do nothing. This is all you. You can choose to be more rational and prudent in your actions no matter how angry you are.

2.Understand the fact that this is a problem. You might have been a child of abuse or you have this sick mentality that dominating a woman is your way of controlling her or keeping her in check. You are only damaging her and making her a less of a human being as WAS NEVER INTENDED by God when He created her. She is your companion and helper not one to be subdued.

3.Be willing to change totally and honestly not temporarily. Understand that abusing another human being is a dastardly act and doesn’t speak well of you as a man or a human being.

4.Seek help. Reach out for someone to talk to – parish priest, pastor, relative, friend, psychologist.

5.No matter how much you apologize to a woman after abusing her, you can never take away the pain and experience from her. Chocolates, flowers and other gifts don’t do squat compared to the emotional, psychological and physical pain you have inflicted on her.

6.Words, once they are said can never be taken back. Hush up those hurtful and abusive words that are rushing to come out from your mouth and replace them with kind words. If you are so angry, go outside and take a breather. Calm yourself down and come back in to have that “talk” with your wife. Reason with her and help her see how she has wronged you. Settle issues amicably instead of going for punches and kicks.

7.Why would you want to cheat on your wife? Suddenly she doesn’t look so attractive anymore after delivering and breast feeding your four kids right? You would prefer “young and fresh blood” right? You have no reason to cheat on your wife….none at all. At best encourage her nicely and with kind words to keep fit and dress beautifully not only to appease your looks, but it would also boost her confidence level.

8.God entrusted your wife to you for you “to love and cherish”. She is a gift to you and you are meant to be her protector not a tyrant. Understand her, appreciate her, respect her, learn to love her and she would give you the world.
We all have a responsibility to ourselves to make most of the life God has given us. We were not created by mistake. We have a purpose to fulfill, a mission to accomplish and by virtue of our birth, we have been put on course. It is left for us to seek out what that purpose it and live it out. We have no reason not to live a great life.



Are you one of the Abusive men out there? Are you one of the Abusive men out there? Reviewed by Akosua Evelyn on 06:43 Rating: 5

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